I for Invincibility

It’s difficult to determine what to write about as the first entry to this blog. The purpose of this blog is the take the journey to self, to explore all of me from A through Z. It promises to be a intense, embarrassing, revealing trek. I’m sure of that. I want to explore who I am as person through words and punctuation. I never had a journal or diary growing up. I couldn’t consistently write into it to take off the ground. It wasn’t that I didn’t have thoughts worth cataloguing. I didn’t have the fortitude to make it happen. In a way, I wish I did. Maybe now I could look back and see the image of the young girl I know buried within me. I wonder what my views of the world were then. I suppose like any other child at 8, 11, or 13. Invincibility…

I lost a little piece of innocence when I stop thinking I was invincible. Not the crazy kind where I can’t die or think nothing can happen to me. No that level of invincibility was the teenage years and I don’t wish that back. Made silly choices and decisions during that period… I’m talking about the kind that makes you think you can do everything if I truly wanted it. I notice as I get older that feeling lessens. Doubt is now the weight on my shoulder questioning if I can really do what I set myself to do. Doubt, such an ugly thing.

My BFF says, “The cemetery is full of people with shouldas, couldas, and wouldas.” I mentally roll my eyes but her resounding words are in my head. There are tons of things I let doubt stop me from pursuing. I don’t want to die with regret. Although, I don’t think it is possible to leave this life without some regret. I just don’t want it to be something as attainable as going to the Grand Canyon or telling a hottie what I think of them. I want the feeling of invincibility again. I want to be able to look life directly in the eyes and leap.